The BEGinning of An Ugly Shituation....

"Miss you too" he said and she could hear the smile on his face. He hung up the phone laid on his back with his arms folded behind his head he inhaled deep and exhaled heavy. What is going on he asked himself as he contemplated trying to wrap his head around how this started and where is was headed. Deep in thought, he jumped when he heard the phone vibrate, he sighed knowing it was her again, "I love talking to you, you make me idk...happy thank you for listening" the text read. It was at that moment that he realized that his situation was getting complicated. He got up off the couch, walked, through the the dark hallway, into the bathroom and stood there in the dark, he wanted her to think that is where he had been for the last hour. After a brief moment he headed into the bedroom and slipped into the bed with her hoping that she was fast asleep. She was already 7 1/2 months along in her pregnancy with their first child. One that he undoubtedly was not ready for, but one that he admittedly did want when he consciously impregnated her. They recently found out it was a girl her name would be Rebecca- distinguished and classy she had pointed out.

They had been together already for 10 years and now at 29 years old and engaged, logically it was the next step. The problem was that suddenly he was forced to remember what it was like to feel whenever he talked to or spent time with Lisa. He hadn't realized before that he had become so numb. His heart wasn't excited or warmed up when he was with Patricia, his fiance'. Now he had a real issue. He desperately wanted his heart to keep beating, feeling, jumping, reminding him that he was still a warm person, a person who could care about something, someone, anything beyond himself. He needed to convince his mind that it was okay to say this out loud.

Patricia stirred and rolled over her belly hanging toward her left side which she laid so gracefully on. He turned his back to her hoping that she wouldn't wake up fully. She wrapped her right arm around him from behind and snuggled up closely to him and soon they began to breathe in and out on one accord. She slid her hand down and felt him, she knew how to do it just right so that he would rise to the occasion as he always did. She kept her hand there in an effort to let him know that she wasn't going anywhere she wanted to please him in any way she could. "I love you baby" she whispered softly in his ear. "I love you too" he said aloud. it sounded strong, sincere...comforting even. They kissed deep, passionately, hard. He ran his fingers through her hair and caressed her back "That feels so good" she uttered. He pulled down his basketball shorts, one of the pairs he faithfully wore to bed each night for as long as she'd known him and that night, he made love to her. She felt that it felt different. She felt good, she tasted good, she moved with him, before him, after him, fast, slow, all over him, even when she was uncomfortable she continued, she was warm. She held on, squeezed tight and talked him through the motions. The shituation was that in his mind, he made love not to the woman in his arms, the woman who loved him and was willing to do anything for him, the woman who gave up everything she had and would give up any opportunity that presented itself for him- the woman bearing his first born child, he was making love passionately, deeply, mentally, and whole heartedly to Lisa and if the shituation presented itself at any time he would act to bring it to fruition.

Knowing the way he felt and anticipating the outcome did not stop him from getting up after he released, and going into the bathroom under the pretense that he was going to wash himself up and texting back "Hey baby..still thinking about you- I just want you to know that I love talking to you too."