I was talking to a friend of mine today that I haven’t had the pleasure of talking to in a while and after I went into some details about the things that have been going on in my life she said to me “you are so strong” this is a statement I have heard many times before from so many people I cannot even remember. Today, for some reason it took on a different meaning. I began to wonder, am I too strong? Is there such a condition? What defines “strong?”
Once she made her statement the question immediately arose and I spat it out “Do you think I am too strong?” She immediately shot down that idea “What? Are you crazy?” But honestly now, I am feeling a little crazy. I mean is there a point when you can be too self-sufficient and a man may not want you? Would you even be interested in a man that would want you to be less than strong? Huumm……
Real talk a lot of us women like to do what my friend called “picking up the pieces” we find ourselves in situations where the man in our life is depending on us. There are definitely some cases more extreme than others but in any case we are talking about giving more of yourself to him than you are willing to give to yourself
1) Emotionally-he’s closed off so you put in double work for fear of losing him altogether
2) Financially-wouldn’t want him to think that because he is down and out “right now” that you don’t love him just as much or worse-that you are using him for what he has so you go double hard to overcompensate and “prove” that you can take care of yourself
3) Physically-maybe if you go out of your way to please him sexually he won’t be interested in anyone else even if it means you may be left feeling out of character, ashamed- even after the act
But…what about dating a strong man who doesn’t need you to pick up his pieces? Sometimes I have to wonder what it is about that man?Are women who are addicted to picking up the pieces afraid of this man?
My theory is that this type of woman-whether she realizes it or not, is afraid. She is afraid of submission in any form for fear of being let down and as a result she focuses on trying her best to control and stay on top of situations that arise in his life instead of dealing with hers. She is afraid of not being needed because then she may be viewed as replaceable or disposable she takes pride in saying “Nobody would do the things I do for him.” She constantly needs a challenge hence-his problems always become her problems. At the same time it is important that we recognize that the man who allows us to pick up all his pieces, believes in a large way that your problems are small enough for you to handle on your own. True Story
