Too many people are uncomfortable with being “alone” or not in a relationship? Why?
Lets face it, today’s society puts a lot more weight on being married or in a relationship than if you are single. If you are married you are automatically perceived as happy. You get more respect from people at work and in your personal life and more than likely people who don’t even know you and see you with that ring on your finger place you in a higher regard than they would a single woman or single man…you’ve got your stuff together, or so it seems.
We all know at least one man or woman in a relationship that is not in their best interest-whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally one way or another they are being negatively affected by their partner(s). The question is what do the people in these relationships have in common? What is the difference between them and someone who appears to be happy “alone”? Why would a person rather stay in a relationship when the love or happiness is gone, just because they want to say they are with somebody?
People who end up in these types of situations are often times unhappy with themselves- miserable even. These relationships are made up of men and women who would rather be comfortable than truly happy, they feel that being a plus one is always better than being just one because they “don’t want to be alone” it starts early. The unhappiness/insecurities that they are feeling within themselves prompts them to clamp onto the first man/woman that shows them some attention causing them to overlook or blow off what are sometimes serious character flaws within an individual due to the infatuation they have with the idea of simply being with someone. It is easy to get caught up in looks and material possessions like a “nice car” or a “good job” and end up overlooking a hugely pessimistic attitude or a very bad temper that later will result in lack of support for you and your goals/dreams or even physical or emotional/mental abuse. Is it worth it? Is it cool to be with someone who you think you are in love with if you don’t actually love them-as the person they are because of their ways? A clear distinction needs to be made around those feelings.
On Love
Being in love is completely different from loving someone- people often blur the lines between the two. Just because you love someone that does not a relationship make. At my age (young-LOL) a lot of people are running down the isles to the altar. They may have found the man of their dreams and feel that they need look no further. They may have been “in love” love (1-2 years) which many would argue is not enough time to say you actually know a person—the real person, or they may have been in a relationship long term (upwards of 5 years) and getting married is the next logical step –to them, and to the outside world. It is just the right thing to do. This builds a marriage of convenience
mar·riage of con·ven·ience (n)
a marriage between two people that is intended to serve a practical, financial, or political purpose and is not based on their love for each other
Meanwhile, behind closed doors, they may be undergoing all sorts of changes, they know that they don’t want to be together deep down but figure it would be too hard to break up at this point. Maybe they are doing it for the kids, their “family” or maybe they are doing it because much like everything else in their lives they are settling and would rather float through without interrupting the current. It is not killing them in ways their naked eyes can see. They may be abusive to each other or just one partner to the other. They may be emotionally and mentally pushed to their limits because one or one or both of them have another relationship(s). Regardless they would rather ignore everything that doesn’t feel right or even hurts outright because they cannot imagine handling the situation for what it is—or “alone”.
Bottom Line: Surely one who can be happy alone is one who has managed to find happiness within themselves. Furthermore, you cannot achieve happiness through someone else-Let It Go.
We have to be secure with in ourselves. Find things that make us happy outside of a man. When we are truly happy we will attract a man that makes us happier. Society does put a lot of pressure for women to be married or in a relationship. A lot of women feel there is a lock of "Good Man", which makes them become desperate and settle for anything. We have to love and find ourselves and everything else will come.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. Absoltutely love the last line. Happiness cannot be achieved through someonelse.Or maybe it can but it's only temporary. Socitey is funny. In a way marriage is gloriied(many times more on the materialistic side of it: the dress, the ring, the actual wedding, the house that the couple lives in the car they drive,etc.) but in another way it's looked down upon. Many celebrity women who are guests on the Oprah show who are in relationships(or not) have openly shared that they have adopted her view on marriage which is, it's not needed becuase it's just a peice of paper or it makes things complicated.
ReplyDeleteSociety uses all types of classifications to try to fit us in their box. Weight, height, color, salary, education, as well as marriage status. It's almost like we are supposed to fill out an application and turn it in and wait until these "society" people to slam a stamp that reads, "Yep. You've got it all together"
Confidence is so imperative it's no joke. But to be honest I glorify marriage and pretty much always encourage it to couples who have been together for a while because it's a beautiful thing. I honestly believe that if two people each put God first, they don't have to be perfect. We all mess up, but if they say Lord you will be head of this relationship and we will depend on you to teach us how to love. Then God can do it even with the seemingly most uncompatiable couple. (Though He completely understands the desire for compatibility, but if it came down to it He can make circumstances happen where opposites will attract)
Without God I really don't see how realtionships can work because our nature is so messed up. For example, by nature I'm selfish. Which alone can be a daily barrier for any type of a healthy relationship but I depend on God everyday to help me kill that characteristic. Marriage is a daily sacrifice. Both parties have to sacrifice his/her own "natural" (for lack of a better term) ways in order for the betterment, purpose and mission of the marriage. Whenever I want to get my own way (there is hardly such thing with kids, you know:)) I think of Jesus sacrificing himself for me and it makes me understand the purpose of marriage. Being single is a good place to be because you get to build, focus, and establish the gifts, talents, etc, God has given you. The bible even says that those who are single have the chance to focus more on building your relationship with God becuase when marraige comes wives tend to spend a lot of time on the hubands concerns and needs. Holding on to someone because of fear of loss is not love and there is not a lot of hope for the future of those types of relationships.
@ Nicole I agree and I am a firm believer in that one CANNOT find happiness or peace outside of themselves.
ReplyDelete@ Krissy-True. Society does either glorify or look down upon the idea of marriage, but it makes me wonder is it also dependent upon class? This question came to mind after reading your statement about Oprah and the views of many celebs. By this I mean I wonder if Oprah was just an average woman without the fame, the fortune, financial independence, and the following would she have that same view on marriage or would she be happily married with her "other half" so to speak? I have the feeling being rich and famous can have such an impact on a person to make them feel that there is nothing "wrong" with being alone. You see what Oprah has is what the majority of people in this world are striving to get and through those ups and downs we meet men/women and form relationships and bonds with them that may or may not turn into relationships that foster a co-dependency that we may or may not have had the time or interest to cultivate if we were "complete" with fame, fortune, a following, and our dream career. Hmmmm it makes me wonder
I agree with you 100% --confidence is key and we have to build that up daily within ourselves the world is out there tearing us all down daily we don't need to add to that by beating ourselves up or constantly worrying about our so called "short comings". I definitely am on the same page with you where putting God in front of a relationship is everything! Your last sentence is my favorite!